The hardships of being a dapper bear
Oh. Hello, readers. I suppose you’ve picked up one of these readmes being handed out by one of the charming fellows in the bear hats at the Activities Fair. That or you’ve mugged one of the aforementioned fellows and are now reading through your stolen loot. Which is somewhat in bad form, really, but I cannot fault your taste in newsletters.
I’m sad to say you’ve caught me at a bad time. I suppose I should be excited this time of year, what with all the excitement and the new blood, but–it gets tiring, sometimes. I feel like we’ve done all we can to spread the wonderful word about readme. We’ve tried dapper bears. We’ve tried hipster music. We’ve tried threats of communism. And yet every year we keep having to roll out the same old song and dance to get new members. What are we doing wrong, dear readers?
Are we simply too awesome to you to consider joining our organization? Are we too charming and jovial? Do you fear that, if you were to step into our meeting room, you would burst into flames for clearly no mortal is able to withstand the glorious sight of a bear in a top hat and monocle? If so, then you need not be alarmed; at worst I will only eat you. And even that doesn’t happen all that often.
But, really, I assure you that joining readme would be jolly good fun. We have our own office, which we share with the remainder of the good chaps on the Activities Board (I wasn’t going to mention that, but they’ve informed me it’s good for this thing they call ‘branding’). The office is absolutely smashing, which I mean in both in the sense that it is enjoyable and pleasant, and in the sense that I smash things in it from time to time. I cannot help it; I have these great bear paws and occasionally they snag on things.
Furthermore, we have scintillating conversation in which we discuss current events and then compare them to fictional events. I am told this is called a ‘reference’, and it is quite popular with the kids these days. However, we then use these references to compile readmes, which we then distribute to you, dear reader, and I have no doubt if you’ve read this far that you appreciate the effort with which you do so. So why not take a little of the burden off our shoulders? Visit our humble meeting spaces. Observe the environment. And, if you should feel so inclined, join us in our endeavor to make the CMU campus a sillier and more lighthearted place, one dapper bear at a time.
Those interested should contact our editor-in-chef at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information, and be on the lookout for upcoming editions. Thank you.