We Basically Just Want Finals Week to be Over

While finals week draws closer and closer, few students, other than the seniors, know that those grueling exams used to spread throughout one and a half weeks. It was only until recently that the University Registrar decided to cram (hah see what readme did there?) all the exams into one week by arranging some on Sunday. readme has learned that the Student Government has proposed a new finals week schedule that will dramatically reduce the number of days exams take. “The new schedule allows everyone to finish all of their exams in two days.” said Mr. Iwant A. Holiday, the president of the Student Government. “Given that most students only have less than six classes every semester, we think it’s possible to fit all the exams in two days while keeping each exam three hours long. The only downside of that is that you will die from anxiety, sleep deprivation and caffeine overdose. But we think it’s OK. I mean our hearts are already given to the work anyway,” said Mr. Holiday. Of course, this kind of radical change to the academic calendar is very concerning to readme. When asked how to avoid class conflicts, Mr. Holiday responded: “In order to make it work, we propose that instead of going to a different classroom for each class that has a final exam, students will stay at one location for two days. At each exam period, students will receive an exam packet from one of their classes. In other words, in the same classroom there will be students from different classes taking different exams at the same time. It’s kind of similar to the SAT, but way crazier. We also plan to distribute sleeping bags so that students don’t have to leave their desks during finals week. “

Another change that the Student Government proposes is to move finals week to before Thanksgiving break. “We feel that it’s bad to have only one week of classes between Thanksgiving break and finals week. A lot of students didn’t go home for Thanksgiving because it’s not worth it to travel twice in such short period of time. So we were thinking instead we’d just let people finish their last two weeks of classes while taking their finals. At this point, we might as well, and that way students can truly relax at home for Thanksgiving and feed themselves to their hearts content without worrying about being judged,” said Mr. Holiday. The proposal will be discussed in the upcoming town hall meeting and voted on next year. The administration has assured readme it will actually read the proposal instead of throwing it straight in the shredder this time.

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