Hiding Problems is the Best Medicine

A recent medical breakthrough has given new hope to individuals suffering from height dysphoria. Height dysphoria, a type of body dysmorphia, causes sufferers to experience a loss of self-esteem due to how they perceive their own height. Individuals suffering from height dysphoria have until now often resorted to painful and controversial surgery to increase their height. But this new study has given them hope.


The controversy behind these surgeries comes from the fact that they more closely resemble a Medieval torture method than a genuine medical procedure. Patients seeking to have their height increased have their leg bones broken in half and implanted with a device that slowly pulls the bone apart. To be fair, this is still way less painful than wearing high heels. With that said, many have been discouraged from seeking this procedure due to the fact that it costs tens of thousands of dollars and takes at least three months to complete. That it involves literally tearing your bones apart from the inside is also considered a drawback by some.


Thankfully, doctors in Argentina have pioneered a new method that lacks these perceived faults. Dr. Peter Igorich, president of the International Society for Really, Really Tall People, has spearheaded the campaign to find a better alternative to this costly, painful surgery.


“Most patients who request the surgery share the same problem with height dysphoria,” Igorich said. “So we decided to tackle the root of the problem.”


readme asked if that meant Igorich intended to launch some sort of grassroots campaign to redefine the way our culture perceives height, replacing the ‘taller is better’ message with one that celebrates individuals regardless of their stature. “Seems like a lot of work,” Igorich said. “We were just going to do this other thing.”


“We literally just put a paper bag on the patient’s head,” Igorich’s assistant, Dr. Bloomingdale said. “Literally just a brown paper bag. They can’t see themselves. Or anything really, but that’s the point.”


“It’s a surefire way to prevent body dysmorphia in general, actually,” Igorich said. “It’s non-invasive and inexpensive. We’ve already begun to offer this alternative treatment to some patients.” When readme asked how these patients responded to the treatment, Igorich replied, “Oh, yeah, they’re really happy with the rules. At least, we think they are. Hard to tell with the bag in the way.”


Dr. Igorich and his team are to speak at the Global Health Conference in 2015 to share their findings. They report high hopes that the brown-bag method will become the globally prescribed cure to height dysphoria and other body dysmorphic disorders, despite its potential to induce panic attacks in claustrophobic users.

readme tried to point out that the method wasn’t really curing anything, and the bag doesn’t actually get rid of the source of the dysmorphia. Igorich, however, shoved a bag over readme’s head before it could finish its sentence.

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