If CMU Majors Gave Out Candy for Halloween

Chemistry majors: Candy melted when the sulfuric acid spilled on it.


Mechies: Bowl is full of mousetraps so children can build mousetrap cars, confused when parents call the cops on them.


ECE majors: Wired bowl to conduct a current, resulting in a nasty shock for anyone who touched the candy. Also surprised when the cops showed up.


Bio majors: Made fake samples of the ebola virus for topical Halloween prank. Super surprised when the CDC showed up.


MatSci: Candy is made from carbon fiber.


CS majors: Forgot it was Halloween, too busy finishing that 251 homework.


Psychology majors: Half the candy is replaced with graham crackers in a double-blind test of the placebo effect.


Physics majors: Knew the kind of candy they were handing out, and thus had no idea about its location.


Math majors: Knew that candy existed, and thus they did not have to buy it.


Drama majors: Didn’t buy any candy–your disappointment is a performance art piece called ‘The Descent of Man’.


Music majors: Can’t hear the doorbell over their own noise.


Business majors: Charged the kids 50 cents per piece of candy in an abject lesson on supply and demand.


Dietrich majors: Couldn’t afford candy.


CFA majors: Hasn’t been seen out of studio for three weeks.


Archies: Candy status unknown, nobody’s made it through the full-size Halloween maze they constructed in their front yard.

If there is a lesson to be found here, kids, it’s this: Go trick-or-treat at Pitt this year.

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