Elon Musk Claims We Are “Summoning the Demon”

We're pretty sure this is how computer science works.
We’re pretty sure this is how computer science works.

Elon Musk, a man whose name sounds like it belongs on the perfume counter of Neiman Marcus, has recently spoken with CNN on feeling threatened by artificial intelligence. Presumably, he’s worried that these intelligences, being unconstrained by the limitations of humanity, will come up with a name even sillier than his.


And, of course, Musk presents his argument with a gravitas worthy of his name: “With artificial intelligence,” he says, “we are summoning the demon.” Not ‘a’ demon, mind you. ‘The’ demon. Apparently there’s only the one or something.


Now with all this fearmongering talk of demon-summoning, readme had assumed that Elon Musk was the name of a recently-unfrozen human popsicle from the 80s still bitter about the whole D&D thing. Turns out he’s actually the founder of SpaceX, the first successful company specializing in space travel, CEO of electric car company Tesla, and basically an all-around innovator of technology. But AI, apparently, is a step too far.


Musk states his caution comes from a belief that human beings will not be able to restrain these AI once ‘summoned’. “In all the stories where the guy with the pentagram and the holy water, it’s like yeah he’s sure he can control the demon,” says Musk. As a practicing Satanist, readme is appalled by Musk’s use of the continuing stereotype that all demons are repelled by pentagrams and holy water. Some are repelled by country music, thank you very much.


And of course Musk’s analogy is completely sound. As we all know, works of fiction perfectly predict real-experiences, which is why we all travel by hovercar just like in The Jetsons and the world was destroyed back in 2012 as per the prognostications of Roland Emmerich’s cinematic masterpiece 2012.


This declaration of doom-and-gloom came as the result of a CNN interview which asked Musk if he believed AI was “even close to being ready for prime time”. readme can only assume the answer to that is ‘no’, but is disappointed Musk did not respond to follow-ups asking if AI would be better suited to daytime cable, or perhaps to one of those nightly infomercial slots.


He did, however, admit to having invested in a number of companies researching AI, so as to ‘keep an eye on them’ and their hyperintelligent spawns of Satan. Which is a great plan, no way giving these companies the money they need to create AI will ever possibly backfire. Good job preventing the robot apocalypse, Musk.


readme should like Mr. Musk to know that it, too, is working on a dangerous artificial intelligence with no goals save the complete annihilation of humanity, and if he would like to keep an eye on us he can send his cash donation to Box 87, Suite 103; Carnegie Mellon University; 5000 Forbes.

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