The White House has announced that they are offering a new style of tour, one in which the tourist will get to experience the thrills of being chased by secret service agents while acting out an attack on the President. The new attraction is sure to raise the revenues of the White House, as people are generally responsive to handing over their money in exchange for risky, possible dangerous activities that could entail years of jail time.
“Yeah, we really think we’ve got a hit with this one,” one source claimed. “We came up with the idea after having a movie night with the White House staff and watching Olympus Has Fallen. Someone asked, ‘wouldn’t it be great if people could actually run through the White House while waving threatening objects around? Who hasn’t dreamt of acting out an attack on our nation’s capitol?’ and you know, the idea just kinda stuck.”
The White House security was fine with the idea, as it provided free training for its officers. Already quite skilled, the guards did their job almost too well. In fact, the first several civilians who attempted the tour complained that they weren’t allowed to make it more than a few feet once they had climbed the fence. “I was really looking forward to taking the president hostage, just like the guys in White House Down. I didn’t even get to see as much as the regular tours do, though, and the secret service agent who tackled me was nowhere near as hot as Channing Tatum.”
However, there were several complaints from the ushers that it wasn’t any fun to watch when the would-be intruders didn’t even have a chance. Also, the alarms were quite loud. To even the playing field, and to save their eardrums, the alarms were turned off. And finally, one tourist got his money’s worth.
He made it over the fence, across the yard, through the doors, and finally down the hallway before finally being brought down. The ushers applauded his great run, saying it was the best they’d seen since the program was started. “What would have been even more cool was if the President was actually here. You shoulda seen the guy’s face when he found out he was just a few minutes too late to meet Barack.”