Holder’s White House Era at an End

This week, the US Attorney General, Eric Holder, announced that he will resign from office as soon as a successor is confirmed.

Of course news headlines like this normally wouldn’t catch the eyes of readme. After all, the name Eric Holder just sounds like another rich white politician who comes and goes in Washington. However, upon a further glance at the photo of Mr. Holder, readme discovered that Mr. Holder is actually the first African-American US Attorney General. In order to commemorate this historic event and thank Mr. Holder for his service, readme has put together an easy-to-read summary of his career.

 

  • Success #1
    Since his appointment in 2009, Mr. Holder has dealt with several high profile cases, especially with regard to the flustercluck that’s left behind by the 2008 financial crisis. For example, his Department of Justice reached a $13 billion settlement with JPMorgan Chase, a $16.65 billion settlement with Bank of America and a $9 billion settlement with BNP Paribas.
  • Fail #1
    CMU still doesn’t have a law school. $28.65 billion! Holy $#!& that’s about 20 times the endowment of CMU!
  • Success #2
    Mr. Holder revived the Civil Rights Division of DOJ, which significantly stepped up their effort to protect voters’ rights and LGBT rights, as well as efforts to fight racial discrimination and injustice.
  • Fail #2
    Mr. Holder clearly didn’t understand the principles of Washington: always get something for yourself. This is the probably the most altruistic move ever of him. I mean, he is probably richer than 99% of us. Why care about the little guys?
  • Success #3
    De-criminalized the sales of marijuana in states that are already legal.
  • Fail #3
    Didn’t get enough props for that since people in those states are probably too high to care.

 

 

Funny? Not Funny?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s