‘Gravity’ Sequel to be Real-er, Cheaper, Spacier


When the thriller “‘Gravity” was released in theaters last year, people were awestruck by Sandra Bullock’s adventures in space. The sequel to this blockbuster is set to come out next year, and readme has gotten its hands on some juicy inside information.

First of all, the movie will take place in orbit around Mars, not Earth. According to studios, the red background will make the movie appear ‘edgier’ to attract the youth audience. More big news is that the sequel will be filmed on location. An Indian company known by its acronym ISRO will be contracted to provide transportation to and from site. readme can only speculate what ISRO stands for; best it can get is

One might think that filming on location in Mars’ orbit would be expensive. However, our source has reported that it will actually be done under the original Gravity’s budget of $100 million dollars. The original film relied heavily on special effects, all but 17 shots requiring post-production magic. The new film will not only be more realistic, but also only cost three-quarters of the price. The rumor is that NASA is insanely jealous, as they can hardly afford to hire the Russians for their spaceship needs.

After the original film’s production period of more than four years, one might be surprised to see a sequel coming out just two years later. The new technology used to achieve the super-realistic effects (i.e. a mission to Mars) is not only cheaper, but also faster to produce than the traditional method, which involved robots and 1.8 million individually maneuverable LED lights. India is quick to point out that while everyone has done robots, only a few nations have made it to Mars. “Suck it, China!” was the actual phrase used.

Another new change is the addition of frequent breakouts into song and dance, for apparently no reason. readme was worried that it might be a little awkward, as Bullock is alone for the most part, but backup singers and dancers appear specially for these scenes. Also, Bullock has a touching conversation with her Indian great-aunt, who angrily asks why she “couldn’t just marry the nice young doctor we found.” The call will include the 13 minute delay between signals sent from Earth reaching Mars.

Some have criticised the film for spending so much money on such a frivolous endeavor, when there are more serious problems in the world to contend with. However, readme knows that the free market dictates what money is spent on, and blockbuster films meant to escape reality are far more enjoyable than actually facing said reality.

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