The UN Apologizes… For a Couple of Things

On the eve of April 7, representatives from the UN made their ways out to Rwanda to pay their respects in a memorial to the Rwanda genocide. Ban Ki-Moon, Secretary General of the UN, personally addressed thousands of Rwandans as he apologized for the international community’s incompetence and inaction during the mass murder of close to a million Rwandans. “But we could have done much more. We should have done much more.”

“We should have reacted with decisiveness, instead of holding back UN troops and letting the systematic genocide of a country’s own people take place. Though nobody could know exactly how bad things had gotten within the country, we should have taken action as soon as we’d heard any mention of the concentration camps in North Ko- hang on.”

A murmur stirred through the Rwandans assembled at the Amahoro Stadium. Ban Ki-Moon could be seen rifling through his papers at the podium, frowning and muttering to himself. He stooped just out of sight behind the podium, presumably searching for something and still muttering incoherently into his mic. In a moment he reemerged triumphantly, brandishing another batch of papers. “Here it is, sorry about that,” he said, finally breaking the bemused silence and polite coughs of the Rwandan audience, “Just a little mix-up.”

Though the rest of the speech went off without a hitch, readme later received insider information about the nature of Ban Ki-Moon’s curious mix-up. readme’s anonymous tipster, sat down with readme at their mobile home in Ban Ki-Moon’s limo trunk to talk. “He accidentally switched his speeches,” the adviser explained, “One of Ban Ki-Moon’s main duties as Secretary General of the UN is to apologize for the UN’s inefficiency and ineffectiveness when it comes to dealing with humanitarian crises and general issues of international conflict. He was drafting an apology for when North Korea’s concentration camp business blows up, and I guess he must have accidentally mixed that up with his draft for the annual Rwanda genocide apology. No biggie really, this stuff happens all the time.”


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