Hobby Lobby and The Case of the Stolen Model Plane

Hobby Lobby’s recent lawsuit in which is attempted to gain personhood in order to justfy its right to deny its workers birth control has sparked yet another debate on the right (or lack thereof) women have various forms of contraceptive. The suit specifically targeted contraceptives like IUDs and the Plan B pill which prevent women from becoming pregnant even after unprotected intercourse. The suit describes these as drugs that can work “after conception”. 

Now readme can understand the whole like “we don’t like abortion thing.” Really! it can! readme knows it can come off as hyper liberal sometimes but just because readme thinks that government shouldn’t legislate certain things doesn’t mean it doesn’t understand why those things might make certain people queasy. 

But the Plan B pill and IUDs (when inserted after intercourse) don’t actually cause abortions, despite common belief. They simply make it impossible for eggs to attach to the uterine lining, stopping a pregnancy before it ever begins. 

Hobby Lobby rolled its eyes at readme, “Conception is defined as happening at the moment when the sperm attaches to the ova, not the uterine lining”. Or that’s what  it would have said if describing the female body didn’t make it so uncomfortable. Instead it replied, “Abortions are bad.”

readme sighed and decided to try a different tact. “Technically these drugs and devices can halt a pregnancy after conception” 

“Women shouldn’t have sex if they don’t want babies!” Hobby Lobby interrupted. readme could swear it wasn’t talking to a person if it didn’t know any better.

“Okay, maybe, but hear me out.” readme begged. Hobby Lobby quieted, staring at the newspaper suspiciously. “So imagine a customer walks into Hobby Lobby. She really likes going into Hobby Lobby. It’s colorful and there are lots of interesting things. She hasn’t ever bought anything at Hobby Lobby yet, though, because she doesn’t really have the money to afford anything. She also knows she doesn’t have the time to really get herself into a new hobby at this point of her life. But she likes to walk around. She’s looking at the model planes. She thinks that one day she might walk into Hobby Lobby and actually buy the shiny B-17G Flying Fortress. It’s beautiful and has a wingspan of 26 inches.

Finally, one day, the customer walks into Hobby Lobby and is looking at the model planes. She sighs, and turns to leave, but the B-17G’s box is, unbeknownst to her, stuck to her sweater. The cashier, instead of warning her of her imminent theft, staples a receipt to the box and steals some cash from her wallet in exchange for the plane. The customer doesn’t notice the mistake until the next morning. She feels terrible, knowing she won’t have time to build the plane, and drives back to Hobby Lobby. The cashier, the same one from the night before, tells her she can’t return the plane. She looked at it after all. She argues that she brought back the receipt and didn’t open or damage the box. The cashier takes the receipt as if to look at it and instead rips it to pieces, allowing her no way to return the package, or retrieve the 35$ she needed for food this week.”

Hobby Lobby squinted at readme “that’s not fair.”

“Exactly!” cried readme. “The receipt is the Plan B pill and the plane is the baby!”

Hobby Lobby flung itself backwards in horror. “Women should be having the babies!”




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