Homophobic Things Happen in Country that is not Russia

In the wake of the vaguely-successful 2014 Winter Olympics, Russian policymakers have been subjected to an unusual level of global scrutiny. In particular, media outlets latched onto the stringent anti-homosexuality laws implemented by Russian premier Vladimir Putin, bringing the issue to the forefront of the public consciousness. But what about all those other countries that put so much effort into the oppression of their LGBTQ citizens? Does the fact that they didn’t host the Olympics make them any less reprehensible? Here at readme, the homophobic countries of the world are like our children; we hate them all equally. So let’s talk about a country whose homophobia has been sadly overlooked in recent times: Uganda.

A week ago, Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni proposed an anti-gay bill that he later signed into law. The bill would outlaw the “promotion” of homosexuality, make having gay sex an illegal act punishable by life in prison, and requires all citizens to “report” on those they suspect to be gay. All that’s missing is the proposal for a military-grade gaydar that monitors Ugandan cities to make sure nobody exceeds the government-mandated limit of ‘fabulous’ (insert sarcastic jazz hands here).

The bill has been met with much outrage on the international level, especially from those Western powers who have donating money to support development of Ugandan infrastructure. Denmark, the Netherlands, and Norway have already cut aid plans in protest of this new bill, the World Bank has stalled a loan to the country while they ‘review’ the bill’s results, and our own President Obama even went so far as to warn Museveni that ties between the United States and Uganda “would be damaged” as a result of that bill. Well shit. That’ll learn ‘em.

Museveni held firm in his support of the bill, announcing his intention to sign the bill into law with a homophobic tweet. Because that’s the point we’ve reached as a society, where our world leaders spread hateful rhetoric condemning huge swathes of their own citizenry through tweet. “The West can keep their ‘aid’,” he said. “We shall still develop without it.” You know, it occurs to readme that when you basically have to hold your own country’s developmental success hostage in order to get foreign powers to support your legislation, you’re doing legislation wrong.

Now, in the wake of such massive displays of homophobic dickery, other countries like America might be worried their own homophobic tendencies will be overshadowed. It’s hard to compete with this level of willful bigotry, after all. But don’t worry, America. Just because your brand of homophobia is nowhere near as heinous as in these other countries doesn’t mean readme doesn’t hate you anyways.

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