Letter to the Editor: The Budget


Marisa Breitfeller

1:23 AM (37 minutes ago)


to me


Hey, Ivy, I just wanted to get your input here as editor-in-chef. So I was making the new budget to submit to the JFC and I can’t help but notice a few…discrepancies in the old one I was hoping you could clear up.


First off, there’s the issue of how we’re allocating our budget. I kind of assumed we’d spend a little more money on, you know, actually printing the readmes, but it turns out most of it goes to the ‘Seducing the Tartan’ budget. I always thought we were just joking about that…also I’ve looked at some of the purchases we’ve made from that budget and I don’t think the kind of ‘seduction’ you’re thinking of is legal. Like, at all. That’s not a ‘budget’ thing, just a ‘thought you should maybe know’ thing.


We should probably also correct the typos in the rest of the budget, you know, so it looks more professional. For instance, there’s one bit that says ‘money for bear traps’ when it should read ‘money for bear caps’. At least, I hope so. Also, ‘group bondage’ should read ‘group bonding’ and printers take toner with a ‘t’. A few other things the budget doesn’t seem to get: the word ‘deductible’ does not refer to a hat that makes you look like Sherlock Holmes, ‘a comically-oversized net’ does not count as a ‘Recruitment expense’, and they are called ‘print jobs’. Print jobs.


One last comment, I noticed there’s a section of the budget allotted for ‘People Food’, which is fine except that there is also a section allotted for ‘Food People’. On a completely unrelated note, Ivy, I was wondering if there was any specific reason why your full title is ‘editor-in-chef’ instead of ‘editor-in-chief’. Just curious.


But I guess those are all long-term revisions. We can get to them later, probably. The really urgent thing is that based on this budget, we no longer have any money. If we try to charge anything to our account, we’ll get hit with an overdraft fee and that’ll totally fuck up our budget for next year, so if you could get back to me before we print the February 19th issue, that would be great. I can’t even imagine the clusterfuck we’d have to deal with if we printed without taking care of this whole budget thing first. So, yeah, talk to me soon about that, please.


Also about the Food People thing. I’d really like to be reassured on that score.




-Marisa, readme finance mage.

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