Fletcher Jameson won the Women’s Womanhood Coalition award for Best at Womanhood last week. The sudden win cast the event into a stunned and ecstatic jumble of women. All of them were scrambling for a picture of Jameson kissing his partner.
While the women were busy imagining Jameson and his partner in bed, readme slipped in for an interview with the honorary woman who has been noted by his female companions to be great for Friday night chick-flick marathons since he always knows when to tell them to stop eating the fucking ice cream, you slutty slob. “He’s not mean. He’s just sassy.”
“What other men, even other gay men, don’t understand” Jameson told readme “is that womanhood is really very simple.” He beamed, holding the trophy which was oddly oval in shape. “Women really don’t even understand themselves.” He said, playfully slapping the ass of the announcer. “Sexual harassment is okay if you’re gay.” He laughed. “Doesn’t mean anything.”
“What women really want” he explained, “is for someone to tell them why no one loves them. I mean, either they’re slutty or they’re fat or they don’t know how to dress. Ain’t no woman who know how to dress better than a gay man” he continued in a voice imitated what seemed to be a particularly constipated black woman. But cultural appropriation is okay when you’re a gay dude.
“This thing kinda looks like a disgusting vag, doesn’t it” Jameson said inspecting his newly earned trophy with a disgruntled look on his face. “Kidding! Kidding!” he said holding the trophy a little farther from his body than strictly necessary. “It’s okay for gay guys to say that, see? Because it doesn’t cause the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes or hatred of the female body like when straight men say it.
Jameson left arm in arm with his partner, whispering sweetly into his ear, “I’m so glad I’m with you honey. Can you imagine having to date a woman! I don’t know how straight guys do it!”.