Stop Trying to Make Net Neutrality Happen. It’s Not Going to Happen

On January 14, 2014, a federal circuit court struck down the FCC’s claims authority over enforcing Net Neutrality policies. In ensuing outcry, two things became clear. Firstly, many were disturbed by the implication that private companies would have even more behind-the-scenes control over their Internet content and usage, and further disturbed by the threat that companies would be able to demand “tolls” for quality service, essentially choking off competition and innovation in the business. Secondly – aw man they’re going to fuck with Netflix? Please, no.

To discuss these matters, readme once again brought in head scientist and resident I.T. service representative John J.J. Schmidt. Schmidt is a Computers Professional with a Masters in Windows 8 Usage and co-edits his own comments section on CNET. “Oh boo hoo,” he began, “Net neutrality, schmidt schrutality. Everyone is getting worked up over nothing. I mean, think about it. Without net neutrality, all these companies will have that much more money from [choking off competition and innovation] and that’s great. What else would companies do with a lot of money but put it right back into their services and increase broadband access for their consumers.”

Schmidt, of course, raised a good point. Those doubting the ability of private companies to control themselves in the face of extremely limited competition and tons of legal gray areas need look no further than the shining beacon of Comcast to assuage their disbelief. Despite being U.S.’s largest home internet provider and cable company, Comcast has kept its heart in customer care, ensuring that their profits go toward the lowest possible rates for the fastest services.


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