We all know that if there’s any problem with second-quarter CMU students, it’s that they’re just too darn optimistic. If you’re a student looking for a way to crush that pesky faith in humanity before finals, look no further than this very article, which chronicles the adventures of actual Americans (seriously, though, we didn’t make any of this shit up) who decided that dressing up as a sexy Native American for Halloween this year just wasn’t offensive enough. No, this year we get assholes going as:
• Hitler, because of course people dressed up as Hitler.
• KKK members.
• Suicide bombers.
• Osama bin Laden.
• George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin, complete with bloody hoodie and blackface.
• A political cartoonist’s idea of what President Obama looks like.
• The Boston marathon bomber.
• The Boston marathon victims.
• The homeless.
• The Twin Towers, mid-explosion.
• Bloody flight attendants from the Asiana Airlines crash.
• This last one’s not a costume, but one dude hung up an effigy designed to look like a lynched black man on his lawn as a ‘Halloween decoration’.
If this year’s crop of costumes teaches us anything, it is that we’ve clearly lost our connection with this sacred holiday. We have to remember, next year, the true meaning of Halloween: finding increasingly skimpy outfits for women to wear.