We here at readme do our best to call attention to obscure pieces of news that really don’t have much of an effect on the lives of our readers. For instance, the government shutdown ended a while back. More importantly, now that the shutdown is over, the natural parks have finally reopened. Naturally (hiyoh!), visitors celebrated the ability to once again view these wonders by destroying the shit out of them.
Dave Hall and Glenn Taylor, two Boy Scout troop leaders, had been visiting the park when they decided to finally earn their ‘Colossal Dick’ merit badges by purposely knocking over one of the hundred-seventy-million-year-old rock formations that gave the park its name, simultaneously earning ‘Complete Dumbass’ pin for their decision to post the video on Facebook.
Said troop leaders were astonished to find that for some reason, rather than upvoting the video, people were actually angered by this senseless destruction of natural history. Among these haters were park officials and the Boy Scouts of America themselves, whose foremost principle when dealing with nature is to ‘Leave No Trace’. readme assumes Hall and Taylor must have skipped those lessons.
The two are of course very apologetic about the incident, but insist that they acted with good intentions. According to them, they had simply been minding their own business when they noticed the formation, which had gone a hundred million years without falling over, was totally about to fall over any second now possibly injuring nearby visitors. Clearly, the only way to prevent this was to topple the rock over themselves, because everyone knows that rocks can’t injure people if somebody knocks them over on purpose. When asked why, then, the video ended with them cheering and high-fiving at the destruction of this priceless natural treasure, they replied that they took safety very seriously.
The Boy Scouts of America have since revoked Hall and Taylor’s membership. Hall was reticent, and said that they hoped to be involved with the organization in the future, possibly using the incident as ‘a teaching point’. readme is a little unclear on how one can build an entire lesson plan out of ‘don’t destroy ancient works of natural beauty’, nor why they would be more qualified to teach this lesson than literally anyone else. But, hey, perhaps they can teach this to their fellow inmates if park officials end up pressing criminal charges. readme would like to recommend ‘gratuitous jackassery’, five to life.