Stay Classy, GOP

It is no secret that the GOP has had difficulty in recent years connecting to minority demographics like female and Latino voters. Experts cite a number of reasons for this distance, like difference in policy and the public perception that the GOP has no credible minority candidates. When asked about Michelle Bachman, the entire female gender flinched. “Yeah,” they said, “we like to think that she’s actually a Terminator that’s assumed female form and infiltrated our ‘hu-mon’ politics to destroy us from within. It’s less scary than the thought that she’s serious.” And when Ted Cruz was brought up, Latino voters responded, “No. Just no.”

To rectify this problem, the California Republican party held a convention showcasing panels dedicated to the GOP’s newfound commitment to diversity. Of course, no female-outreach convention would be complete without a healthy dose of misogyny, helpfully provided by a vendor at the event selling buttons that criticized Hillary Clinton for her ‘2 Fat Thighs’ and ‘2 Small Breasts’. Pictures of the buttons soon went viral, presumably because women love being reminded that no matter how successful they become, some douche will always judge them for not being pretty enough. Though most leaped to blame the Republican Party itself, the GOP insists that the buttons were printed by an unaffiliated vendor, who it had removed from the event as soon as they realized that the pictures had leaked online.

But, you know what? They’re totally right. Those buttons weren’t official convention merchandise and, ultimately, we can’t blame the entire Republican Party for the tasteless actions of one vendor. After all, the GOP is an old and experienced party, which knows how to cater to the desires of its constituents with decorum and tact. That’s why the keynote for the California GOP convention was delivered by the most pro-California politician they could find, that being Texas governor Rick Perry, who spent all of February running ads on about how much California sucked and bragged about the tens of thousands of jobs he’d stolen from the state. Wait.

Aside from those minor snafus, though, the convention was a huge success, raising massive amounts of awareness for the party’s efforts to be more inclusive of women and racial minorities, as evidenced by the media attention it received in….um……no news outlets whatsoever. Huh. You know what? Maybe the GOP should have taken credit for the buttons, after all. At least those were getting them coverage.

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