A man went to see his doctor. He said, “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a problem.”
The doctor said, “What is it?”
He said, “I’ve been getting really drunk lately, but I haven’t had any alcohol in years!”
While we at readme realize this sounds like the setup to a really lame joke, it is actually a real thing that happened to one man in East Texas. Said man had been experiencing bouts of inebriation for five years despite abstaining from alcoholic beverages.
After talking with his wife, who instantly believed him when he said he hadn’t been drinking anything, occifer, honest (if only our RA’s were so credulous), told him to see their doctor, who found that the man’s guts had been literally brewing their own beer.
As a college news organization, readme is legally obligated to report on all beer-centric news, so of course it got straight to work investigating this awesome phenomenon.
The condition is called Auto-Brewery Syndrome, where a buildup of brewer’s yeast in the intestines causes the stomach to ferment beer, which is then absorbed immediately into the bloodstream. So, basically, it’s like having an endless supply of Miller Lite without the high calories and disgusting aftertaste (And beforetaste. And duringtaste). Damn, if readme had a ‘problem’ like that, it would open up its own microbrewery. The only customer would be readme.
For whatever reason, though, this man felt that having an endless supply of free beer he could not get arrested for and did not have to taste was simply cramping his style.
His doctor was able to treat the condition with a simple anti-yeast medication, in what is possibly the most depressing story readme has ever heard about a medical condition being cured quickly and without side effects.
In what is almost certainly completely unrelated news, college students all across the country have been admitted to hospitals for overdosing on brewer’s yeast. Ha, but seriously, guys, don’t do this. Remember that beer is way cheaper than medical bills.