Man Surprised to be Offended by College Students

For a performance art project, an art student dressed provocatively and conveyed a controversial message. Jeff Finklebody was among those shocked and offended by the performance.

“This completely rattles my view of college life and artists in general,” said Finklebody, who had always assumed campuses were full of staid, dusty scholars. “Next I’ll find out that Greek Life has nothing to do with Sparta!” he added.

“A college student offended me! Are they really allowed to do this?” He asked the world in general.

After being told that freedom of expression protects artists, Finklebody found a less direct way to take action. He is spearheading a campaign to ask that, if the university cannot quash such potentially-offensive shows, it at least appoint people to give the artists judgmental and discouraging looks.

“Passive aggression is our only hope. This is so no one has to go through the shock I did,” said Finklebody, who until the art show had thought that the media was just “pulling [his] leg”, when it portrayed artists and twenty-somethings as anything other than sweet and noncontroversial.

After being told that he was giving his comments to a satire paper, not a real news paper, Finklebody demanded to see a back issue of readme. He flipped through the copy with a look of growing horror. “Are you really allowed to do this?” he asked.

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