Iron Lady Undergoes Upgrades

For those of you who pay attention to what silly foreigners are up to, you may think Margaret Thatcher recently died. readme calls bullshit! After learning about British culture and biology by watching the last 20 seasons of Doctor Who in 3 days, readme understands that when British people die, they regenerate into a new form. We can only assume Thatcher has shed her aged original form and become a new being: the Iron Lady Mark II.

According to a bunch of nerds wearing lab coats, the Mark II will better allow Thatcher to combat the perils of socialism currently overtaking England. The main improvements will include high-powered repulsor rays able to destroy excessively high taxes and explode social safety nets. Iron Lady Mark II will also have shoulder-mounted missile launchers to destroy enemy warships, nuclear weapons, and striking trade union members.

To properly welcome Thatcher back, current Prime Minister David Cameron will be replaced with James Cameron, who will direct a feature film about her return. The film will showcase Margaret Thatcher’s new abilities, and also provide an intro to her newest project: joining the Avengers initiative. In a recent interview with Avengers leader Samuel L. Jackson, Jackson explained that Iron Lady Mark II will provide a boost to the team’s explosions/nonexplosions ratio. According to a study by the Michael Bay School of Directing and Exploding Things, the explosion ratio (known as the KABOOM number by science-y people) is directly correlated with the awesomeness of any hero team-up.

Not all of the Avengers are happy with their newest team member. Captain America is legally required to distrust foreigners, and Iron Man is deathly allergic to being upstaged. Apparently Hulk was very excited, as he proceeded to smash slightly more than he usually does, and Hulk only smashes when he’s excited. Or angry. Or bored. Or when it’s raining. He may not actually be excited.

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