CMU’s Own Airplane Order Magazine

Any of you dorm-dwellers who have to fly home for spring break may have noticed a magazine that no one ever uses advertising products that no one ever needs. Haven’t you ever wished CMU had one of those? Well, now it does! readme proudly presents Walking-To-The-SkyMall, for all your dorm-ordering demands! Products in Walking-To-The-SkyMall include, but are not limited to:

  • State-of-the-art textbook organizers, for easy access to all those hundred-dollar biology textbooks you bought instead of food.
  • The Indoor Roomba lawn, because even your Roomba deserves more fresh air than you do.
  • CMU-Rest®: This person is able to sleep comfortably in any class. Can you say the same?
  • UV Disinfecting Wand: uses magic ultraviolet rays to kill 99% of all bed bugs and hair lice your dorm room is no doubt infested with (for an extra added bonus, it doubles as a lightsaber!).
  • The Magic Showerhead™: creates an almost tolerable environment in the comfort of your communal shower!
  • CMU-edition dorm weight lifting set, with 5-, 10-, and even 20- ounce weights!
  • Hair color restoration kit: perfect for hiding those finals-week gray hairs!
  • Padded sleeping masks, to help you get that full night’s—okay, we totally can’t finish that sentence with a straight face. How about this: padded sleeping masks, to help you hide those tears!
  • Snuggies Slankets for everyone!!!!
  • The Totally-Not-A-Margarita Mixer! Mix fruit smoothies, protein shakes, whatever you want! So long as it’s not alcoholic, okay, guys? Seriously, though, no alcohol.
  • The Superior Inflatable Bed: Really, though, it’s way better than your old thing. I mean, ugh.
  • And, of course, the ever-popular Do-It-Yourself Drink Caffeinator, for those times when a Red Bull just isn’t enough.

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