Watchme. Fear me.

Watchmereview

Yesterday, readme noticed that someone had uploaded a TV show called Watchme to its website, featuring readme’s own members. Though entertained at first by this self-proclaimed “sketch comedy” show, readme realized darker forces were at work: Watchme is cult propaganda.

The sketch “Heroin Holidays” masquerades as a silly infomercial, marketing heroin as the cure for holiday season stresses. The sketch employs props like a Christmas tree and lights, meanwhile using subtler religious symbolism to implant its frightening message.

Take the three balls of cookie dough the Housewife makes. The Father. The Son. . . .And the last scoop of dough, the one that she accidentally flings onto the counter – the “Fallen” cookie – is clearly Lucifer. Watchme postulates a rewritten Bible, one that features an unbalanced Trinity of two faces of God and one face of Evil.

 

Distressed at what she’s done, the Housewife cries out “Oh no!” At least that’s what it sounds like. But what if she really said, “oh ho”? A palindrome is a mystical arrangement of letters, the forward progression the same as the backwards return. This suggests time is irrelevant and that no matter how hard we try to change fate, we always wind up just as we started: on the letter “O.” The future is predestined, Watchme decrees, and it is terrifying.

Look at the population of this dystopian sketch: three humans and a hedgehog. A Hedge-Hog; a half-plant-half-animal hybrid. Where are the birds? The plants? Even the Christmas Tree is clearly artificial.

There is a startling lack of ecosystem throughout the show. The Opening Sequence depicts Vis playing with bear hats, trying to animate the lifeless fabric. “Turtle Races” matches a turtle against a turtleneck shirt, a clear announcement that in the future there are no other animals to race against. Even humanity is doomed: “Carnegie Idol” features students auditioning to become the next member of Walking to the Sky. Promising youths strive to reduce themselves to still, static beings like the statues on the pole.

Faced with a world like this, what choice doe Watchme’s viewers have but to buy into the infomercial and take the heroin kool-aid?

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