Pop star shaves head as penance for being ‘human’

On Friday last week, Minami Minegishi of J-pop’s girl group AKB48 shaved her head in a tearful apology for being a human being. The admission came in the wake of tabloid photos that captured the J-pop idol trying to surreptitiously pick her nose in the privacy of her own home. Describing her actions as “thoughtless and immature”, Minegishi wept and begged her fans for forgiveness. “If it is possible, I wish from the bottom of my heart to stay in the band. Everything I did is entirely my fault. I am so sorry.”

Her apology fell on deaf ears among fans. Of five fans interviewed on the streets of Tokyo, three reported that they were “devastated” and “traumatized” by her actions. The other two could not be reached through the oceans of tears literally pouring down their cheeks. “The way that she flared her nose right before the ‘incident’… it was so indecent.” a fan, who asked to be unnamed for lack of having one, reported. “It was like she’s been picking out boogies all her life. What’s next, pimples? Bad breath? Or heaven forbid,” he asked, shuddering and turning blue, “Poops?”

Management of AKB48 seemed much more forgiving of the disgraced pop star. Though the band initially reacted by suing Minegishi out of her livelihood and casting her out into the street, the management graciously allowed her to stay on under “trainee status” at the mansion. Minegishi was last seen gratefully laboring in AKB48’s rock garden. “I’m glad I shaved my head after all,” Minegishi grunted between swings of her pickaxe, “It helps keeps me from overheating, and hopefully I’ll be able to turn this into a zen garden in time for AKB48’s new album cover.”

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