Front Lines Now into Women


Recently the United States military has decided to allow women on the front lines.

When asked why it had made this momentous decision, the Front Lines said, “yeah, I mean, I used to think girls were stupid and icky, but then I realized boobs and like whoa.”

While many women rejoice being allowed to further serve their country and receive proper training for the dangerous situations they are often put in, military psychologists are worried.

“Too much is happening too fast,” said Dr. Striker, PhD, “First the Front Lines are too old for action figures, then they start liking girls? Sure, it sounds inclusive now, but what are we going to do when the American Front Lines refuses to listen to us and locks itself in its room listening to metal all day?”

The change may be irreversible. Several soldiers reported that the blast of gunfire sounds deeper these days. Situations are getting hairier and the Front Line seems to be going through a growth spurt. Already it stretches through many more countries than before.

“And it’s shooting us out of house and home!” complained Congresswoman Ritcher, “Do you see how many cartridges it goes through?”

“I can only imagine what will happen when the Front Lines starts drinking!” Dr. Striker told readme, “Not to mention when it thinks about leaving the nest or heaven forbid, go on a cross-country road trip! Can you imagine the Front Lines backpacking through Colorado?”

He began shuddering uncontrollably; readme grew uncomfortable and left his office. Though the doctor’s sanity seems uncertain, his question rings clear: see what happens when we allow women on the Front Lines?

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