Long has AB Publications been a beloved member of our community, saving the world with the Board of Activities (and Justice!), cleaning up our streets—of snow, mostly—and letting us know what movies are playing in McConomy this weekend. But cmuTV believes there is another face to this icon, namely that of mild-mannered newspaper readme. cmuTV had recently entered into a business deal with readme, and has lately become suspicious of its partner’s behavior. “It’s just a bit weird,” it notes, “You never see readme and AB Publications in the same place together, they look identical, and they both really like talking about how awesome readme is. I’m just saying, it’s not outside the realm of possibility.”
But this theory has been met with doubt from the public at large. “There’s no way,” states one such skeptic, “AB Publications wears glasses. readme wears contacts. How could they be the same person if only one of them wears glasses?”
“They’re probably just really close friends,” says another, “That’s why they wear the same clothes, and live in the same single, and sometimes sign receipts with the other’s name.”
To those closest to readme, the idea is nothing short of ridiculous. “Could readme be AB Publications?” readme’s coworker and ex-girlfriend the Tartan laughed, “Don’t be silly. readme is just so klutzy and timid. It keeps telling me I should go out with it again, but really, who wants to date someone like that? Now, AB Publications, on the other hand,” she adds with a swoon, “It’s such a dreamboat. But it keeps telling me I should go out with readme, for some reason. It probably just wants to protect me from its enemies.”
In response to these allegations, readme announced, “No, I am not AB Publications. Though I understand the confusion,” it continued, “seeing as we’re both incredibly awesome and the Tartan finds us physically attractive.” readme then ducked inside a phone booth and reporters can only assume it went home after that, seeing as the only person in the phone booth a second later was AB Publications.
“No, I’m not readme,” AB Publications declared, finally laying to rest all doubts on the matter once and for all. “But if you ask me, readme seems like an incredibly awesome paper. The Tartan should totally go out with it.”