World 2.0



As foretold by the ancient Mayan sysadmins, support for the current
generation of the Earth, World 1.0, ended on December 21, 2012. In its
place, the Mayans have developed an update: World 2.0.

After a series of maintenance patches and bug fixes, including fixing the
apple security vulnerability that led to wipe of the Eden memory sector,
and repairing the damage from the infamous “flood” glitch that wiped out
most of the population, the Mayans decided to set aside keeping up the old,
outdated program, and started working on an update.

Besides important usability tweaks, like stopping pizza burns, new features
planned included improved graphics, retina resolution, and most
impressively, an overhaul of the Earth’s cooling systems, to stop the
overheating issues commonly known as “global warming.”

Unfortunately, World 2.0 had a rocky start. A resident of Earth proclaimed,
“This new-fangled ‘World 2.0’ is exactly the same as World 1.0! All these
Mayans added was more bloat and more bugs–and don’t even get me started on
the whole ‘fiscal cliff’ system crash. This has been the worst product
launch since Windows Vista. Merh!” A astronomical firmware expert
commented, “People always have unrealistic expectations for updates like
these. But the Mayans themselves are also to blame–first with their
outrageous promises and claims about new features, and then with their
whole publicity stunt of ‘dying off as a civilization’.”

We were unable to reach any living Mayans for a response.

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