Te’o: Totally an Important Issue, For Reals

It was a tranquil morning lingering over the news. Same old, same old: Algerian hostage deaths, the Russian adoption controversy. Then readme saw something that made all that pale, something that cut to the heart and made readme shed a tear: a football player’s girlfriend had died. It was a tragedy of unprecedented proportions, readme thought, and it seemed, the nation agreed.

Manti Te’o’s girlfriend had died and now nothing else mattered. Then readme found out that Lennay never actually existed. Grief beyond all other: could Manti have deceived us? How could the Great Institution of College Football have become so corrupted?!

Fortunately, spokespeople for Manti’s team at Notre Dame came up with a perfectly buyable and reasonable explanation. Lennay Kekua had been a hoax, but Manti Te’o had been as much a victim as readme had been! He hadn’t known Lennay was non-existent. His relationship with the girl had been strictly online. Somehow, despite the existence of applications like Skype and other video-chatting programs, Manti had completely avoided ever seeing the face of his alleged girlfriend!

“Ah!” sighed readme, “I can, once again, worship at the altar of sport!”

readme quickly consumed all known information on the hoax, much of which was offered openly by spokespeople for the team and Manti, himself.

readme could not help but note, with appreciation, the effort the spokesmen had gone to provide a complete explanation for the kerfuffle, given the school’s previous inability to report reliably on the events surround the sexual assault and rape of two respective young women, perpetrated by members of that same football team. readme can’t help but love how Notre Dame has learned from its mistakes and come to report the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me the Great Institution of College Football.

Funny? Not Funny?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s