College Cocktails



Tepper: crazy rich and entitled
Johnnie Walker Blue: Over two hundred dollars for a bottle of blended scotch (Good, but not as good as a much cheaper single malt. Blended scotch is generally had by those who cannot yet palate single malt).But hey, the good folks at JW will engrave the bottle for you!
CFA: pretentious and pretty
Swedish fish flavored vodka. Flavored vodkas are a great way to add color to life, but god damn if they can’t help but push the envelope, so far no one wants to touch it. Drama however, should be premium vodka. Packaged beautifully with no taste of its own that takes on the character of anything it’s put in.
HSS: poor and pretentious
Vermouth. Essential supporting player in many cocktails, star of none.
Computer Science: Geeky and awkward
(Six parts mountain dew)
Jungle juice. Compile alcohol.bzz, alternatively, the drink high schoolers and other novices make because they don’t know anything better. Also the easiest way to accidentally poison yourself.
Mellon College of Science: overly analytical
Vintage Wine. The only drink with so many complex flavor combinations that only the highest experts will ever be able to taste and whom no one else can stand to listen to for more than three minutes.
Heinz Information Systems: micromanaging/controlling
Water. What, you think I can afford to impair my ability to make decisions?

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