Summaries of Famous Books

  • Henry V – He’s the king
  • The Great Gatsby – He’s just okay. Green lights and death
  • The Scarlet Letter – SHHHAMMMMEEEEE
  • Ethan Frome – Winter sucks. Kill yourself.
  • The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire – it stops existing
  • King of Havana – Have an awesome penis, then you become a necrophile and get eaten by rats
  • Hemingway – Women suck, people die
  • The Awakening – Don’t cheat on your husband or you’ll kill yourself
  • Frankenstein – Whoops
  • Twilight – Don’t fuck dead people
  • 50 Shades of Grey – Just google porn
  • World War Z – Zombies, life sucks
  • Heart of Darkness – White man’s burden awesome & non-awesome
  • Death of a Salesman – Sales sucks
  • Huck Finn – They don’t get off the boat. Also racism.
  • Hunger Games – Nobody eats anything
  • The Sound and the Fury – Fuck if I know
  • As I Lay Dying – My mother is a fish or a horse
  • Great Expectations – B-, did not exceed expectations
  • Oliver Twist – Directed by M. Night Shymalan.
  • The Odyssey – Men can’t ask for directions
  • The Epic of Gilgamesh – MY FRIEND IS DEAD!!!!
  • Beowulf – Punch the keyboard, pretend it’s olde English
  • Macbeth – Scottish people are sociopaths
  • Pride & Prejudice – Too prideful and prejudiced to review
  • The Merchant of Venice – Burnt flesh doesn’t bleed
  • King Lear – 2/3rds of all daughters are bitches
  • Midsummer – Fairies are into kinky shit
  • Jekyll & Hyde – If you can’t be the best, trample children

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