Madonna Seeks Black African Muslim for Good Time

Madonna jumped on the 2012 election as a chance to reinvigorate her career. At
a recent Washington, D.C. concert Madonna promised to strip if Obama is elected
and told fans that, “We have a black Muslim in the White House! Now that’s some
amazing shit.” She added that Obama was born in Africa and is definitely not a US
citizen.

When informed that Obama is not, in fact, a Muslim, Madonna quickly backpedaled,
assuring reporters that she was “being ironic”, as anyone can see that Obama is
neither black nor a Muslim. Madonna insisted that she was mocking the people
who could believe rumors such as the one that Obama wasn’t born in the US. That’s
ridiculous, she explained, because Obama is clearly a Cylon and thus was never born
at all.

Madonna’s manager let slip that despite her public bravado, Madonna was quietly
crushed to find out that Obama is a Christian. “I feel betrayed,” she said. Madonna
complained to her manager that this is “not amazing shit”, but merely “pretty cool
shit,” and asked if it was too late to find a different candidate.

Madonna’s announcement and promise to strip confirmed many people’s suspicion
that the entire election is a marketing scheme held to launch Madonna’s new
stripper career. With so many worries about matters like healthcare and the
rising shitstorm in the Middle East, voters have had too much on their minds to
worry about choosing a president; many reporters felt the 2012 election would
be canceled until a calmer time when voters would have time to “bitch about
what church the candidates go to and what color their ties are.” But Madonna’s
team jumped on the chance for an engaging marketing campaign where the target
audience could interact by voting in the election. If Obama wins, Madonna’s stripper
career will start. If Romney wins, she’ll be a drug dealer.

Desperate to see the body of a middle-aged woman, fans streamed to the voting
booths saying they plan to camp out until election day and wanting to know who
this black Muslim is. The streets around schools and community centers are clogged
with fans waiting for Madonna and playing her new 2012 Campaign album, which
features songs such as “Like a Voter”, “True Blue” and “Don’t Cry for Me, Because I
Have Healthcare.”

A worried Romney campaign told voters it will meet the challenge and announced
yesterday that if Romney wins, Dick Cheney will strip.

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