“Fuck it, Kittens”, says GOP

Trying to put a more positive spin on any of their candidates, GOP members have
personally pitched in to fund a wave of ads presenting their candidates as adorable
fuzzy animals.

One Democrat newscaster donated as well, hoping the ads will generate at least one
new thing to talk about in the next twenty candidate debates.

Readme talked to some of those directly involved:
“We’re just hoping to get voters to be a little more forgiving – I mean positive,” said
Mrs. Russell-White, the head of the Kitten Romney project. Hopes are high. During
the project’s testing stage, voters who were asked to envision the candidate not as a
graying, middle-aged businessman, but as a tiny striped kitten reported themselves
more likely to vote for him and scritch him behind the ears.

The GOP’s ads, which went online earlier this week, have more than lived up to
the tests. Readme had the opportunity to listen to a voicemail called in about Rick
Santorum’s own line of ads: “Initially I was appalled by a man who would try to stop
gay marriage,” said the caller, a Mr. J. Davis from New York, “but that was before I
knew what a cute puppy he made! Anyone with those big black eyes and that soft
widdle nose . . . who’s a good candidate? Who’s a good candidate? Oh yes you are!”
The message descended into high pitched excited burbling.

“If all else fails,” admitted GOP publicity manger, “we’ll just run the animals
themselves.” He was cut off by an awwww from the entire office as Kitten Romney
flopped on top of her speech. “Anyway,” the manager continued, “it’s not like we
have anything to lose.”

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