Democratic candidate revealed to play WOW, most awesome election revelation yet

Be honest: who would you vote for?

Democrat Collenn Lachowicz, a candidate for the upcoming election for the Maine senate seat, was recently revealed to be an avid fan of popular MMO World of Warcraft, playing as level 68 orc rogue. Americans responded to the revelation with shock, saying, “I didn’t even know there were girls on the WOW,” and, “show us your boobz!”

Many, however, find Lachowicz’s gaming nothing less than scandalous. The Republican Party of Maine has taken a particularly vocal stance against it, expressing their outrage that the candidate spent obsessive amounts of time online by creating a website dedicated to the issue. They accuse the candidate of leading a “time-consuming double life”, words that have not been used by the GOP since Joe Biden was revealed to be secretly moonlighting as pop sensation Hannah Montana. “Maine needs a state senator that lives in the real world,” the party says, “One where all Democrats are homeless bums and men marrying men will somehow cause divorce rates to rise.”

For others, their problem lies with the comments Lachowicz has made while playing the game, which they call ‘unbecoming of a senator’. “OMFG, y cant these noobs just STFU?” Lachowicz said in response, “i am a totes legit politician. any republican haxx who dont think so can suck it!”

Despite the controversy associated with it, analysts say this revelation has given Lachowicz a lock on the orc vote. “We orcs have been ignored by the American government for far too long,” says Harg Bill-lobbyer, spokesman for orc equality, “Ever since our ancestors arrived in America through the Dark Portal, we have contributed much to your society. We fought for racial equality and women’s suffrage, and even now we fight in your wars abroad. Yet, we remain marginalized by society at large. We hope that Lachowicz, if elected, can bring light to this oft-ignored issue.”

Ultimately, Lachowicz and her supporters have taken the incident in stride and promise that she will kick ass and pwn noobs in both her lives, whether AFK or AFC*.

*Away from congress.

 

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