Pirate Costumes: 11 Times More Lead than Allowable


Awww, who wouldn’t want to kill this?

In a rather unusual bust Customs and Border Protection (CBP) seized 1,371 units of fluffy child-sized dresses with pinkembellishments. The dresses—intended for the use of little girls in a Halloween pirate ensemble – were worth collectively more than $10,000 and had more than 11 times the legal limit of lead in them.

Further investigation revealed that this may have been a new, creative attempt at slut shaming on the part of the company that produced the costumes. Their strategy in this endeavor was to kill of the mini-sluts as possible before they grew up.

Another theory behind to reasons for the alleged attack was that the company wanted to offend as many parents as possible.

The parents who purchased the costumes for their little girls demanded a refund from the company since they never received the costumes. The company, however, claimed that, since the goods were never returned to them, they refused to refund the money.

Upon being asked to release the location of the 10,000 fluffy dresses, the CBP refused. Further pressure was applied to the organization until one employee broke down crying, “Sometimes we just want to look pretty too!”

The CBP consequently declared that the poisonous attire would be used as the group’s new uniform three of the tiny costumes as pants, and one to cover his torso. On the first week of putting this declaration into practice, however, Things took a turn for the worse when the costumes began to spontaneously dissolve into acid.

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