How the Internet is Destroying Our Attention Span

In this day and age of instant gratification, most people, especially the younger demographics, are finding it increasingly more difficult to focus and see things through to their end. In this “gotta-have-it-now” world, people are striving to hold onto motivation and focus. Therefore, in order to preserve some semblance of control and patience, readme has decided to research the mating habits of South African Snails, the old school way. With books. The following are the notes that were taken over the course of 10 minutes into the experiment:

  • South African Snails: a sexy report
  • Hermaphrodite – both testes and ovaries (man those relationships would be easy) but self- fertilization is rare. Bilateral mating? “courtship ritual lasts half an hour” pet each other and front parts. Weird foreplay.
  • Makes sense? Kinda. Not actually mammals.
  • Platypuses (platypi?) are mammals. Lays eggs. …venomous? Yeah, venom.
  • Venomous Platypi would be a good band name. Heavy metal, hardcore, screamo. “We are the Venomous Platypi and we are here to rock your faces off…with eggs?” Ehhhh, maybe not so cool.
  • Shit. Snails, and sex, but mostly slugs, snails…. Slugs. Is there a difference between slugs and snails?
  • Slugs, slugs, slug rage!
  • We are slug rage! And we are here to…avoid salt?
  • Fuck, snail mating habits.
  • Adult size is reached in about six months. Live up to ten years. Decade.
  • The 90s were a great decade. Awesome cartoons and stuff. Boy bands. Awkward fashion choices. Arnold’s skirt was actually a shirt. He had the coolest room. And a pet pig. Would pigs make a good pet? Probably better than snails.
  • Dammnit, snails.
  • Done.

And there you have it. The internet is the best. We are sorry we ever tried to stray away from it. readme will never do that again. The internet is our friend.

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