Fantasy Slut League

Late-life crisis

A California high school is wrapped in scandal over the discovery of a “fantasy slut league” among the student population. This slut league, which allows high school boys to gain points by having sex with specific hot chicks, insidiously combines the modern-day fun of playing fantasy football with the classic fun of having sex with women. Even worse, this sexy phenomenon is spreading across the world; even reaching the normally sex-proof stronghold that is CMU.

You’re probably thinking, “readme, you’re full of shit. How can there be a fantasy slut league at CMU when no one here knows how to play fantasy football?” Since no one at CMU has experience with fantasy football, the league has transformed into something CMU students can better comprehend: the Final Fantasy Slut League (FFSL).

Like all Final Fantasy games, the game (despite the name “final”) keeps releasing new versions and it involves a great evil that must be defeated by the enterprising young players. However, in FFSL players earn XP not by defeating monsters, but by having sex. The most common method of leveling up is hooking up with girls at Pitt parties, informally known as “random encounters.” Some players have taken the game too far, regularly drinking “mana potions” which appear to be mostly vodka and spending all their free time “level grinding”, which is apparently what the kids are calling it these days.

For those of you getting excited, calm down and take a cold shower. All the high level players got there by having ridiculous good looks and comically oversized swords, if you know what I mean (I mean they have big dicks). Also FFSL 14 recently got banned, as some people confused the game number with the age of the girls, causing a very unfunny international incident that even the Japanese thought was pretty creepy.

 

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