Fact-checkers: Ryan not actually Biden’s friend

As the day of the presidential election approaches, fact-checkers have been looking over the claims made by each of the major campaigns, particularly in the debates. readme’s own fact-checkers have been taking a closer look at Vice President Joe Biden’s statements in the vice presidential debate.

readme has discovered a glaring deception: Joe Biden is not actually Paul Ryan’s friend.

In referring to the Republican vice presidential candidate, Vice President Biden repeatedly called Ryan “my friend”. For instance, in his response to Ryan’s remarks about the attack on the U.S. diplomatic mission and about Iran’s nuclear capabilities, Biden claimed he did not understand what his friend was talking about. At one point, he even claimed that “I love my friend”.

However, readme has discovered that these statements lie in stark contrast to the truth.

readme’s physicists have found that Paul Ryan is made entirely out of antimatter. readme theorizes that this is due to Ryan actually being the antimatter version of Biden. In fact, both candidates served as members of Congress, but whereas Ryan was in the House of Representatives, Biden was a Senator.

readme believes that mysterious forces have conspired to keep the two apart for the safety of all mankind. As all CMU students know, matter and antimatter annihilate each other when they come into contact. In fact, astronomers – and astrologers (and that hobo who hangs out near Chipotle) have stated that the universe came closest to complete annihilation on October 11, 2012 – the exact same date on which the vice presidential debate took place.

Physicists fear that regardless of who wins the election on November 6, 2012, the losing candidate will visit the winner to congratulate him and kill us all in the process. For the sake of the survival of the human race, they recommend voting for Tony Stark rather than either the Obama/Biden or Romney/Ryan tickets.

readme’s note: readme does not endorse Tony Stark as a candidate. readme officially endorses Bear of the Bear Party.

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