1. Fight crime full-time
2. Star as a new actor in old movies
3. Wait tables at Denny’s
4. Take classes at CMU as a non-degree student
5. Become the new Jared for Subway.
6. Sit in front of his fireplace, swirling brandy in a glass a la Mr. Burns, and con- template his life.
7. Finally figure out what this 251 thing is.
8. Go to petting zoos, but not to pet. Just to watch
9. Return to his slumber… until he is needed again.
10. Ride off into the sunset on a white horse. Sadly, he will never learn that he left the stablegirl pregnant.
11. Wait for the Heat Death of the Universe so that he may begin again.
12. Volunteer to build new academic build- ings and dorms with his bare hands
13. Fill all the bottlecap holes in Wean
14. Tastefully decorate the steam tunnels
15. Finally cut loose at Carnival
16. Rename more colleges
17. JOIN README
18. Train the scotty dog to bark “in Scottish”
19. Start a one-man bagpipe band
20. Ascends to a higher state of being
21. Becomes a Barbarian
22. Climb Walkin into the Sky
23. Just keep digging and digging and dig- ging . . .