What Cohon will do when he retires?

1. Fight crime full-time

2. Star as a new actor in old movies

3. Wait tables at Denny’s

4. Take classes at CMU as a non-degree student

5. Become the new Jared for Subway.

6. Sit in front of his fireplace, swirling brandy in a glass a la Mr. Burns, and con- template his life.

7. Finally figure out what this 251 thing is.

8. Go to petting zoos, but not to pet. Just to watch

9. Return to his slumber… until he is needed again.

10. Ride off into the sunset on a white horse. Sadly, he will never learn that he left the stablegirl pregnant.

11. Wait for the Heat Death of the Universe so that he may begin again.

12. Volunteer to build new academic build- ings and dorms with his bare hands

13. Fill all the bottlecap holes in Wean

14. Tastefully decorate the steam tunnels

15. Finally cut loose at Carnival

16. Rename more colleges

17. JOIN README

18. Train the scotty dog to bark “in Scottish”

19. Start a one-man bagpipe band

20. Ascends to a higher state of being

21. Becomes a Barbarian

22. Climb Walkin into the Sky

23. Just keep digging and digging and dig- ging . . .

Funny? Not Funny?

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