Cows Are Eating Candy

ImageAre you craving chocolate milk like right now? Unless you’re lactose intolerant or hate America, you do want some chocolate milk and you’re in luck! Apparently corn is really expensive to feed to cows since they have four stomachs and it’s way cheaper to just feed the cows candy instead. That’s right, cows are now living every little kid’s lifelong dream: Vegetables are too expensive, better just eat candy.

Anyway, corn costs about $350 per ton while chocolate sprinkles cost only $160 per ton so… wait, what? You can buy chocolate sprinkles BY THE TON? For $160 readme could finally create that giant pool of chocolate sprinkles that was once just a beautiful dream de- clared unsanitary by the FDA. In fact, I’m going to go invest in a few tons of sprinkles right now, AB won’t mind if readme borrows a little extra money from the budget.

THREE DAYS LATER News update: After the Activities Board discovered its entire bud- get was blown on several hundred tons of chocolate sprinkles, famed embezzler publication readme was found unconscious in the swimming pool. The pool, which had recently been drained by several dozen thirsty cows, is now filled with chocolate milk and chocolate sprinkles. Deter- mined never to let a good crisis go to waste, CulinArt is currently bottling the chocolate concoction and selling it for some crazy high price at En- tropy. It is delicious, but it will give you diabetes. So much diabetes.

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